I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
