Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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