i jhust puked up my retainher.
Me too!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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