I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
