you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
