You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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