Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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