I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
