This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
