i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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