I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
