I think I died a long time ago.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
