My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
