If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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