Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
