dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
