Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
