This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
