remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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