I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
