I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
