yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
