Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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