the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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