I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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