This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it glows. i had to have it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
