I'm gonna have a badass scar
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
