dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is wine microwaveable?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
