Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
