I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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