from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
