I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize