Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
