So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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