the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
