Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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