I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
