I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
