I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
