We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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