I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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