I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
