Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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