I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
