his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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