I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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