i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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