my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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