if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
