I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
