You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
