I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
