The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
