I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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