Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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