He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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