Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
