god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
