If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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