u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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