You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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