What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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