i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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