going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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