we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
