You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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