just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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