Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
