I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
