When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
